Creative Void


Right now I am passing through a period of what I like to call “creative void”.  I can’t seem to find anything, a spark, an idea, to catch and keep it for a while and possibly develop it into a project. Any kind of project- a small one, that would take 30 minutes for example.

Sure, I am already involved in a creative activity. That is mapping. I am working on a Garry’s Mod map, but what bothers me is that recently I began craving for inspiration. I am obsessed of finding architectural design that could fit in my map. Well, wait, that is a good thing. A part of it at least. What’s this thing truly showing is my lack of creativeness. I should be able to create structures myself easily. Actually when it comes to mapping, I’ve never been too creative really. When I started mapping I hoped I will continue to develop my skills so eventually I’ll become a level designer. But that’s not for me I guess…

I also like to think that I am involved in a side project on the long run( meaning it might take forever to finish :D). I am planning on making a Source ( it’s a game engine, used for half-life 2 for example) mod, and I have the overall plot in my head, just not details yet. I’ve even collected inspirational images. I am trying to center the action on an island with houses similarly to what you’d see in the Lofoten Islands( or Moskenes, I am not sure really, they’re some islands in the north of Norway).

Recently my interest in programming has grown a bit, but again, what bothers me is that I am only interested in programming for what I could make but actually have no idea what I want to create :\ . I am trying to work with some kind gaming library that makes easy for beginners like me to create and display graphics and audio, eventually a game. Well yes, I will probably be capable of creating a generic platformer game, but I feel that is more of an instinct-based creativity. Meaning that really everybody can make this, it’s not original. Creativity is being original and that’s what I am pursuing. To be original. But I can’t succeed! Oh the frustration… 😀

A lot of people have this foolish tradition to establish these “New Year resolutions”. Hah, like it mattered. After a week or so a lot of the people abandon what they proposed to themselves, or even promised. Sure, it’s ok to propose these things, but don’t stick with them as if it is so urgent. The human brain isn’t programmed that way. Everything must be made in small steps. I thought about bad traits I had in the last year, or things I didn’t accomplished and sure I think I want to straighten things in this new year but I am aware of my capabilities. I know that if I have a trait and I say “ok, until 31 December I am permitted to do this, but beginning with 1st January I will totallly change!”, that is just lying to myself.

So what I hope for this new year? More creativity. More knowledge. More curiosity. More discovery! And I know these won’t appear overnight…

I think I had enough writing for now. I even find it hard to write in English really, a lot of times I can’t find my words…

Should start reading some literature then heh? But, but, but… I don’t really like that :(. No problemo, there’s the not-so-creative-stimulating-internet out there ! lol

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